Mutants of the Caribbean
by QueenOfElectricity
Summary: This is my parody of Pirates of the Caribbean. And Ray is the co director! With Sam as Will Turner, Amara as Elizabeth Swann, and Gambit as Jack Sparrow! Enjoy! R&R please.
1. First Step: Casting

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the X-Men characters. They belong to Marvel. However...I do own Ellen.

A/N: FYI: Ellen is my OC director. She is a mutant and her powers are this: she can control electricity and shoot it from her hands, and she can absorb all kinds of electrical shocks, etc.

The entire X-Men: Evolution cast was sitting around in some warehouse.

Suddenly, with a burst of electricity, the doors burst open and a girl with brown hair and brown eyes wearing blue jeans and a yellow short sleeved shirt comes in. Everyone stares at her for a few seconds before she begins to get uncomfortable and asks, "Why are you guys staring at me? You're creeping me out." When she said "guys" she meant it, for they were all staring at her.

"Uh, who are you?" Ray asks timidly.

"Well, Ray, I'm Ellen, your director," she answers sweetly.

Everyone groans.

"Oh no! We've already done that one too many times!" Scott states.

"I beg to differ," Ellen glares at Scott and shoots a bolt of electricity at him.

He screams like a girl, in which Ray demands, "The hell?"

"SCOTT!" Jean yells in horror completely ignoring Ray. Ellen rolls her eyes and shocks Jean too.

"Now, is anyone going to say you're not going to be in the play?" Ellen asks sweetly. The cast shakes their head. After a moment of silence, she adds, "Oh and I only shocked Jean because I hate her."

Everyone nods their heads in approval, for they all hate Jean, too.

"Now, moving on," Ellen begins, "the co-director will be...Ray Crisp!" She smiles and looks over to Ray, who is grinning happily.

"Hey, does Ray get to be the co-director?" Bobby groans. Ellen glares at him. "Because I like him and he's cool and I could go on...but I won't. Do ya have a problem?" Bobby shakes his head vigorously.(1) "Good. Now, Ray, there's a director's chair over there," she points to a chair with his name on the back.

Ellen clears her throat, looks down at a clipboard in her hands, and continues, "The part of Elizabeth Swann will be played by Amara, and Sam, that makes you William Turner." She walks over to them and hands them scripts.

"Young William Turner will be played by Remy. Naturally Young Elizabeth Swann will be played by Rogue.(2) Of course, Forge will have to make you two the appropriate age with his aging machine."

Rogue groans, but says nothing.

"Captain Jack Sparrow will be played by Gambit. I wanted him to have two parts so ner," she says happily.

"Oh, good. I gets two parts," Remy chuckles.

"Pyro will be Norrington. Logan will be Governor Swann. Bobby is Murtogg, which makes Roberto Mullroy."

The guys roll their eyes and groan.

"Pietro gets to be Pintel. Lance is Ragetti. X-23 will play Anamaria. Jean and Taryn are the maids."

"Why couldn't you give us better parts?" Taryn asks all snobbishly.

"Because I hate you both and wanted to give you crappy parts," Ellen responds without looking up from her clipboard. "Caliban will be Koehler. Warren will be Twigg. Bo'sun will be played by Sabertooth. Alex is Jacoby."

Alex gives her a look and says "Who is that?" Ellen just hands him a script and says, "It's in the script. Figure it out."

"Grapple will be played by Kurt. Any comments, Kurt?" she smiles and looks up. Kurt shakes his head after a moment.

"The pirate who knocks out Will is going to be played by Duncan. The professor gets to be Mr. Joshame Gibbs."

Xavier sighs.

"Mr. Brown gets to be played by Blob. And no, Fred, you don't actually get to be drunk."

"Aw man!" Blob mutters.

"Kitty you'll be Scarlett. Piotr will play Cotton. Sorry Piotr, but in the next parody, there'll be a Kiotr pairing," Ellen smiles sweetly at Kitty and Piotr.

"It is alright. As long as it is not a Lancitty pairing," Piotr responds knowingly.

Ellen shudders at the thought of Lancitty. "Don't worry I would NEVER let there be Lancitty in one of the parodies I will direct."

"Now moving on," Ellen continues, "Wanda will play Giselle. The anonymous girl who almost drops a jug of liquor on Will is gonna be played by Jubilee."

Jubilee shrugs.

"Now the fat slut who tries to hit on Will is going to be played by Mystique."

Sam twitches and backs away slowly from the crowd.

"Are you calling me FAT?" Mystique yells.

"Yes because you are," Storm mumbles.

"I HEARD THAT!"

"I KNOW! THAT'S WHY I SAID IT!"

"Um, should we stop them?" Ray asks as he suddenly appeared next to Ellen, who was watching the two adults fight.

Ellen nods her head and says, "I would like to get the casting over before the set gets destroyed..."

Ray and Ellen send bolts of electricity at the two fighting women.

"Now, can we please get on with the casting?" Ellen asks calmly.

Mystique nods her head and Ellen continues.

"Dani will play the mother of the baby. And one of Forge's robot things will be used for the baby. The woman that gets chased by Jacoby will be played by Tabitha."

"Um...alrighty then.." Tabitha blinks.

"Toad, Evan, Mastermind, and one of Jamie's clones will be the prisoners in the jail along with Rahne who will be the dog. Toad is the one who speaks. The caller of the guard dude will be played by Scott."

Scott comes out of the fetal position and points to himself with a questioning look on his face.

Ellen ignores him and continues. "The officer who doesn't agree with everything Norrington says is played by Mesmero. Lt. Gillette will be played by Juggernaut. Beast will be the Harbor master with Jamie as his assistant."

Ellen flipped through the pages for a second before adding, "And the steersman on the Dauntless is gonna be played by Nick Fury. Mallot will be played by Paul. The rest o' ya will be townspeople or anonymous pirates."

The cast breaks up and gets ready to got home. Ellen sighs and walks to the directors chair and leans on Ray's. "Oh this is going to be SO much fun," she says sarcastically.

"You're the one who decided to direct it," Ray reminds her.

Ellen raises an eyebrow and says, "Well, I'm gonna go home now so bye." With that she gave him a little kiss on the cheek and hurried out the door.

Ray slowly raised a hand to his cheek and smiled. "Today was a good day," he murmured.

(1) If you've ever seen X2, just imagine the nod Bobby does after Logan asks him if he's ok, only in he shakes his head.

(2)I just HAD to add at least a little Romy in here...hehe.

Well...I'll update when I get the chance! Bye bye now!


	2. Scene 1: Amara and Sam Meet

Disclaimer:...You should know this...

A/N: I'm just gonna use Remy's accent from the show..meanin he'll be talking without much of an accent. I might not do a good job with Rogue's so don't kill me! And I won't make Sam's as southern as Rogue's accent.

"Good morning, people!" Ellen called out happily, startling everyone.

Everyone started backing away from their director.

"_What?_" Ellen demanded and sighed. "Can't I just be in a good mood without everyone getting freaked out?"

"Um...no?" Scott tried.

Ellen's eye twitched, but before she could do anything, Ray trotted up to her and held her back.

"'Morning, Ray," she turned to Ray and squeezed him. Ray blushed.

"SHE'S BEEN IN THE MOUNTAIN DEW AGAIN! BE WARNED!" a voice called from the door. Everyone turned to see a little boy about 10 standing there giggling.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU LITTLE RAT? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT HOME! Get home, NOW!" Ellen screamed and started chasing the boy around. Sam gave the two a questioning look and said, "I hope it won't be like this the entire time."

Screams and a crash could be heard, followed by Ellen emerging out of the shadows with the boy slung over her shoulders. "When I come home tonight, you are going to get the worst shocking of your life. Apparently YOU have been in the Mountain Dew again, not me."

"Nope. I stole the spiked Pepsi from dad," the boy started cackling madly.

"I'm going to have a long talk with dad tonight.." Ellen mumbled and shoved the boy out the door.

"Who–" Bobby started but was cut off by the lights flickering and a glare from Ellen.

"Now..." Ellen sighs and plops down in her directors chair. "Lights, camera...action," she finishes weakly.

The scene opens up to a vessel, the Dauntless, coming into view through the thick fog. We see Rogue standing at the rail holding her parasol singing, "A pirates life for me." Suddenly, a hand grasps her shoulder. She gasps, drops her parasol, turns around, and sees the professor.

"Quiet, missy! Cursed pirates sail these waters. You want to call them down on us?" Xavier asks.

"Mr. Xavier," Pyro warns. Logan is standing next to him. "That will do."

"She was singing about pirates. Bad luck to sing about pirates, with us mired in this unnatural fog, mark my words," Xavier replies agitated.

"Consider them marked. On your way." Pyro says. "This sounds so lame.."

"Two minutes into this and there has already been so much complaining!" Ellen groaned. Ray pinched the bridge of his nose and said calmly, "Don't get her angry...or me! Just get on with it!"

"Wait a moment, Ray," Ellen began to look around. "Where are Scott and Jean?"

They heard sounds coming from the closet and decided to investigate. Ellen opened the closet to find...use your imagination people. ..and fainted. Ray caught her since he was standing behind her and covered his eyes.

Jean saw them and used her TK to shove them back. Ray and Ellen flew backwards and landed in an awkward position. Ray was on his back with Ellen on top of him. He blushed 12 shades of red and shoved her off him.

"They make me SO sick," 8-year-old Rogue said.

"Chere, they make EVERYONE sick," equally young Remy blinked.

Ellen electrocuted Jean and Scott, followed Ray back to the chairs, and sighed, "Back to work people."

"Aye, Lieutenant. Bad luck to have a woman on board, too," Xavier grumbled wheeling away. "Even a miniature one." He begins swabbing the deck and takes a quick swig of water in a flask.

Rogue looks up at Pyro and states, "Ah think it would be rather exciting to meet a pirate."

Pyro looks down at her and replies, "Think again, Miss Howlett. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see to it that any man who sails under a pirate flag, or wears a pirate brand, gets what he deserves: a short drop and a sudden stop."

Rogue frowns and turns to Xavier who is making actions of a man being hung.

Logan speaks up, "Lieutenant Allerdyce, I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the effect this subject will have on my daughter."

"My apologies, Governor," Pyro bows and walks off mumbling something incoherent.

"Actually, Ah fahnd it all fascinating," Rogue says.

"And that is what concerns me," Logan replies.

Rogue sighs. She turns sadly back to the bow rail. Out of no where, floats her lost parasol. She smiles and follows it along the boat until it reaches a floating board. On the board lays a little boy, unconscious. "Look! A boy!" she cries, "There's a boy in the water!"

Pyro and Logan rush to the edge and look over. "Man overboard!" Pyro shouts. "Man the ropes! Fetch a hook! Haul him aboard!" All the extras get busy pulling the boy onto the ship. Pyro leans over him. "He's still breathing."

Xavier looks out across the water and exclaims, "Mary, Mother of God!"

This causes Rogue to look see what he's talking about. The crew rushes to the edge of the boat and looks out to see a burning ship, broken in two.

Logan exclaims in shock, "What happened here?"

"Most likely the powder magazine," Pyro answers, "Merchant vessels run heavily armed."

"A lot of good it did them," Xavier says. When Scott looks at him in shock, he continues, "Everyone's thinking it. I'm just saying it. Pirates."

Logan scoffs, "There's no proof of that. It's probably an accident."

"Rouse the Captain immediately," Pyro orders, "Heave to and take in sail. Launch the boats."

One of the crew picks up Remy, now 8 years old, and takes him off. "Amara, I want you to accompany the boy. He'll be in your charge. Take care of him," Logan turned to Rogue.

Rogue nods and follows the extra who is carrying Remy. A life boat stuffed full of sailors goes out to check for more survivors. Rogue watches the boy and gently strokes his hair. He gasps and grabs her arm. "It's okay," she tells him. "Mah name's Amara Howlett."

"Sam Guthrie," Remy manages. "That sounds...so strange."

Ellen clears her throat.

"Ah'm watching over you, Sam," Rogue says. This calms him down and he falls back unconscious. She notices a chain around his neck and checks it out. The pendent is huge, gold and has a skull in the middle. "You're a pirate!" she gasps.

Pyro comes up behind her suddenly and asks, "Has he said anything?"

She quickly hides the necklace behind her. "His name's Sam Guthrie. That's all I found out," she lies.

"Take him below," Scott orders.

Amara's eyes open. The camera zooms out to show her lying in a bed wearing an old fashioned nightgown. She stares into an old lamp with an open fire. She opens a drawer and pulls out everything inside it. She hits a button in the back of the drawer to reveal a false bottom. The medallion lays there. It's obvious it's been in the drawer for a long time. The dust is terrible. As she lifts it, a clean space remains where it once lay. She closes the drawer and rubs the dust off the medallion. It still shines. She looks in the mirror and puts it on.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. She glances around and hurriedly puts on a robe.

Logan calls through the door, "Amara, are you alright? Are you decent?"

"Yeah," she calls, out of breath from hurriedly to put her robe on. She hides the pendant under her nightgown. "Yeah."

Logan soon walks in, followed by Jean and Taryn. "Still abed at this hour?" Amara smiles at him. Jean opens the drapes and window. "Oh, it's a beautiful day. I have a gift for you."

Taryn has been holding a box. Logan opens the lid and reveals a beautiful dress. Amara reaches in and grabs it. She gasps, "Oh, it's beautiful."

"Isn't it?" Logan asks.

"May I inquire as to the occasion?"

"Does a father need an occasion to dote upon his daughter?" Logan asks. "Go on."

Amara grins and goes behind the partition to change. Jean and Taryn go to help her.

"Actually, I hoped you might wear it for the ceremony today," Logan states.

"The ceremony?" she asks.

"Captain Allerdyce's promotion ceremony."

"I knew it," Amara says, peeking her head out and back in.

"Commodore Allerdyce, as he's about to become. A fine gentleman, don't you think? He fancies you, you know."

Jean pulls the strings on Amara's corset so tightly, she gasps for air.

"Amara? How's it coming?" Logan asks, thinking it's taking quite a long time to put the dress on.

"It's difficult to say," she replies.

"I'm told it's the latest fashion in Bayville."

"Well, women in Bayville must've learned not to breath."

Arcade walks in and says, "Milord, you have a visitor."

The scene changes to the downstairs lobby, where Sam is waiting. He looks out of place with less than fancy clothes, and he holds a long black box. He acts rather nervous. He sees a candle holder and looks closer, than tugs on it a little. A piece falls into his hand. He tries to stick it back on, but to no avail. So, he stuffs it into the umbrella holder.

Just then, some extra walks through carrying a tea service. And just as he leaves, Arcade is walking with Logan down the stairs.

"Mr. Guthrie," Logan says when the wheelchair hits the floor. "Good to see you again."

"Good day, sir," Sam says smiling. He sets the box on the table and opens it. It contains a rather beautiful sword, made of cardboard, of course. "I have your order." He lifts it out and hands it to the Logan.

"Well," Logan exclaims as he examines it closely.

"The blade is folded steel," Sam explains, "That's gold filigree laid into the handle." Actually, it's gold paint, but that's beside the point. He gestures for Logan to hand it back. "If I may," and Logan gives it back with a smile. Sam balances it on two fingers. "Perfectly balanced. The tang is nearly the full width of the blade." He flips it in the air and catches it gracefully, frightening the old man slightly.

"Impressive. Very impressive," Logan exclaims, as he takes the blade back. "Now, now. Commodore Allerdyce is going to be very pleased with this." He sheaths the sword and hands it back so Sam can replace it into the box. "Do pass my compliments on to your master."

A hurt look crosses Sam's face, but is quickly replaced with a forced smile. "I shall. A craftsman is always pleased to hear his work is appreciated."

Both the men's heads turn as they hear a noise on the stairs. Amara is dressed in the very tight dress and looks absolutely gorgeous.

Her father comments, "Amara, you look absolutely stunning."

She climbs down the stairs gracefully, her heart racing upon seeing Sam. "Sam. It's so good ta see you. I had a dream about you last night."

"About me?" Sam asks shocked.

"Yes," Logan says in a disapproving tone, "Is that entirely proper for you. . ."

Amara completely ignores him and cuts him off, "About the day we met. Do you remember?"

"How could I forget, Miss Howlett?" Sam says, beginning to blush.

"Sam, how many times must I ask you ta call me Amara?"

"At least once more, Miss Howlett, as always."

Logan pipes up, "There, see? At least the boy has a sense of propriety." However, Amara looks hurt. "Now, we really must be going. There you are." He picks up the sword.

Through her hurt-filled eyes, Amara says simply, "Good day, Mr. Guthrie."

"Come along," Logan orders. Everyone follows him out the door.

"Good day," Sam calls after her, and adds under his breath, "Amara."

They lock eyes for a moment as the carriage pulls out of the driveway and Sam continues to watch the carriage as it drives off.

"And cut!" Ellen shouts. "Sam, Amara, Rogue, Remy, Logan, you guys did great!"

"Can I get out of this hideous dress now?" Amara asks leaning against Sam. "I'm running out of breath!"

"Yes! Of course!"

With that, Amara runs to the dressing room, leaving a blushing Sam looking after her.

Ray grins and walks over to Sam. "Like it so far, Sammy?"

"Yeah," Sam replies honestly. "But I'm not gonna like that scene where I'm at the bar," he twitches.

"Hey! I ran out of people to play the slut! So sue me!" Ellen exclaims appearing in between Ray and Sam.(1) She quickly gives Ray another kiss on the cheek before saying, "See ya Ray-Ray! Good job, Sam! Bye!"

Sam smiles, "I'm happy for ya. Hope it works out." Ray glares at him before mumbling, "Is she gonna do that every time?"

"Man, if popsicle-boy saw that, I'd have to kill him," Ray tells Sam. "Damn annoyance. Don't tell anyone, okay?"

Sam nods and says, "You can count on me," and walks off.

(Well...there ya go! Took a while to write. But it was fun! WEE! I LOVE Samara, Romy, and the Ray/Ellen reltionship I'm makin!)

(1) When I use Ellen as a New Recruit in my upcomingstories, I'm gonna make Ray, Sam, and Ellen best friends. But don't worry, I'll still keep the Ray, Jubilee and Amara friendship around, for those of you who noticed that in the show.

I promise to update soon! Yawn Well...I'm tired cuz I had to go to my dad's work from 8:00 P.M. until midnight to help him do stuff...so I'm gonna go to bed early tonight. See ya!


	3. Scene 2: Captain Remy LeBeau Comes In

Disclaimer: Do I have to say it? Cuz you should know it!

Ray and Ellen walk in laughing about something.

"Can I ask you something, Ellen?" Forge yells from the back.

Ellen shrugs and says, "Sure, Forge."

"Um...who was that boy from yesterday?"

"That, sad to say, was my little brother, Alan. He's only 10 and very crazy..."

"Wouldn't he have been drunk if he drank spiked Pepsi?"

"Well...he was when I got home. First, he gets hyper and a bunch crazier. Then he gets to acting like a drunk...Is Amara in her dress yet?"

"Yeah, and I can't breathe," Amara says.

"Well let's get started then!"

Gambit, smirking at Rogue, is on a sinking fishing boat. Jolly Mind, the boat's name, is painted on the side. He's standing atop the yardarm. He suddenly notices the ship is sinking and jumps, first to the rigging, and then to the hull with a splash. He grabs a pail and starts bailing the water.

He looks up and sees three skeletons hanging from nooses. On closer inspection, the skeletons are that of pirates who closely resemble Facade, Kelly, and .

Remy stands up, takes his hat off, and holds it over his heart.

Near the skeletons is a sign that reads, "Pirates, be ye warned."

As he nears the port, extras are busy loading goats onto a merchant vessel. They all stop to look as Remy is standing on the lookout, sailing past them. The only thing that is visible now is the boat's mast and part of the sail. As the sail completely disappears, he steps onto the dock and starts to walk off. He is stopped by Beast and Jamie.

Beast is carrying a ledger. "What, Hey! Hold up there, you!" he calls. Remy stops and twirls back to face him. Beast and Jamie walk over to him. "It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the dock."

Remy looks at him as if he'd lost his mind and then back at the boat, barely sticking up out of the water.

"And I shall need to know your name." Beast continues.

Remy digs in his pockets and pulls out three coins. "What do you say to three shillings, and we forget the name?"

Jamie's eyes widen while Beast thinks for a second, before shutting the book and saying, "Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Smith."

Remy steeples his fingers in a prayer symbol and continues on his way. Beast and Jamie turn around and go on down the dock. Remy sees a bag lying on what is obviously Beast's desk and picks it up. He jingles and pockets it.

Amara settles into her place as the scene changes to a fort where Pyro's ceremony is taking place.

She stands fanning herself and trying to breathe, as a bunch of extras, dressed as soldiers march down an aisle, beating drums.

For a brief moment, the scene changes back to Remy as he looks around at the docks. Then, it's back to the ceremony, where the drummers have been replaced by soldiers with bayonets.

Scott calls out, "Two paces march!"

The extras march two paces, creating another aisle between them for Pyro to walk down.

"Right about face!" Scott calls, and they all turn around. "Present arms!" and the extras, hold out their weapons in military style.

Pyro begins the slow, prideful march up the center, while Amara is fanning herself and concentrating only on trying to breathe.

Logan takes the sword out of the box and presents it to Pyro, who twirls it around and does a rather fancy show with it.

Meanwhile, Remy is walking, rather shakily, down a ramp to a dock. Under the higher dock are two guards, Bobby and Roberto. They catch sight of him and rush to stop him.

"This dock is off limits to civilians,"Roberto states.

"I'm awfully sorry, I didn't know," Remy says and then adds, "If I see one, I shall inform you immediately." He then tries to go around them, but they move in his way. So Remy tries a new approach, "There's some sorta high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, ay? How could it be two upstanding blokes such as yourselves did not merit an invitation." He looks at them rather disapprovingly, as if they were obviously not worthy of such things.

Roberto responds, "Someone has to make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians."

"It's a fine goal, to be sure." He starts walking in the other direction, trying to get past them, but they block his way again. "But it seems to me, that a, a ship like that–" he points to the Dauntless, "makes this one here a bit superfluous, really. ...What's that mean?"

Ellen answers, "It means more than necessary or not essential."

Remy smiles.

Rob replies, "The Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough, but there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed."

Remy pretends to think. "I've heard of one. It's supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: the Black Pearl."

Rob smiles, but Bobby starts laughing. "Well, there's no _real_ ship that can match the Interceptor."

Rob looks at him stupidly. "Black Pearl is a real ship."

Bobby looks at him and then back at Remy, shaking his head, "No. No, it's not."

Rob, still looking at Bobby says, "Yes, it is. I've seen it."

Bobby looks back at him. "You've seen it?"

"Yes."

"You haven't seen it."

"Yes, I have."

Remy is rolling his eyes now, as Bobby questions Rob, "You seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?"

"No," Rob admits.

"No," Bobby agrees, turning back to Remy.

"But I have seen a ship with black sails," Rob says insisting on continuing the ridiculous argument.

"Oh," Bobby says, turning back to Rob. "and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails, therefore couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying?"

During this last bit of speech by Bobby, Remy has snuck away.

Rob nods with a big grin, "No."

"Like I said, there's no _real _ship as can match the Interceptor," he then turns to look at Remy, only he isn't there. He's at the helm of the Interceptor.

"Hey! You!" they shout.

"Get away from there!" Rob orders.

"You don't have permission to be there!" Bobby states.

"I'm sorry. It's such a pretty boat. . . ship," Remy corrects

"What's your name?" Rob asks.

"Smith, or Smithy, if you like," answers Remy.

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr Smith?" Bobby says, letting down his gun and showing that he doesn't believe Remy's name is Mr. Smith.

"Yeah, and no lies!" Rob insists.

"Well, the, I confess," Remy says. "It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, and plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out."

"I said no lies," Rob says.

"I think he's telling the truth," Bobby says.

"If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us," argues Rob.

Remy says, "Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you." Rob looks incredulously at him as he tries to comprehend this statement.

Meanwhile, Pyro's ceremony has come to an end. All the people are standing around talking while music plays.

Pyro comes up to Amara, "May I have a moment, Sheila?"

Amara rolls her eyes, but follows him out to a balcony. She stands next to an arch to support herself as the dress is really making it hard to breathe.

"You look lovely, Amara," Pyro says truthfully.

Amara nods painfully, still fanning herself.

John ignores the pained look on her face and looks out to sea, "I apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind. This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved: A marriage to a fine woman," he says with a sharp look at her face. She's still not looking at him, but concentrating only on trying to breathe. "You have become a fine woman, Amara." He glances nervously at Wanda, who's smiling seeing his discomfort.

Rogue looks at him and then back at the sea. "I can't breathe."

"Yes, I'm a bit nervous, myself."

But Amara has reached her limit and falls unconscious into the sea. Special effects, of course.

Remy is still talking to the guards, Bobby and Rob. "And then they made me their chief," he's saying as Amara falls past into the water near them.

At the splash they turn their heads. Pyro also looks around, and not seeing her, says, "Amara?" Then, he looks down and sees the splash in the water. "Amara!" He starts taking his coat off in order to jump in after her.

Juggernaut and Mesmero run up to him and hold him back. "The rocks!" Cain shouts.

"Sir, it's a miracle she missed them," Mesmero states.

As Amara floats further down into the water, Remy, Bobby, and Roberto watch her. Remy asks Bobby, "Will you be saving her, then?"

"I can't swim," Bobby lies.

He looks at Roberto, who shakes his head. "Pride of the King's Navy, you guys are." He takes off his jacket, sword, gun and holster, and his hat and hands them to Bobby and Rob. "Do not lose these." Then, he jumps into the water.

As Amara hits the bottom, the necklace rises out of her dress and a wave blasts through the water in all directions.

Rob asks, "What was that?"

Bobby just shakes his head. A wind blows, making them really nervous.

The flags blow violently, the skeletons knock into each other.

Remy reaches Amara and pulls her to the surface. He takes a breath, but is sucked back under. He tears the heavy dress off of her and is able to swim her limp body to the surface.

"Make way!" an extra calls as Pyro, Juggernaut, and Mesmero run by, followed by Logan. A bunch of others come running.

Remy reaches the dock and Bobby helps pull her onto the dock, "I've got her! She's not breathing!"

"Move," Remy orders, pushing Bobby and Roberto out of the way. He takes a knife and cuts the strings of her corset. Immediately, Amara coughs up the water and starts breathing.

Sam just stares and retains himself from running up to Amara.

Pyro has tossed the corset into Rob's hands.

Bobby looks at her in awe of Remy's intelligence, "I never would've thought of that. . ."

"Of course you wouldn't. Clearly, you've never been ta Singapore. . ." Remy states.

Ellen clears her throat and says, "Remy, we all know Bobby isn't the smartest person on the Earth. You don't have to point it out. Get back to the script."

He notices the necklace she's wearing and picks it up. "Where did you get that?" he asks.

Before she has time to answer, the soldiers arrive.

John orders, "On your feet!" The brand new sword staring Remy in the face. All the other soldiers also have bayonets pointed in Remy's direction.

He stands up and Logan rushes over to Amara, "Amara!" He helps her up. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answers, very glad to be out of the constricting dress. She is wearing old fashioned underwear that consists of an undershirt and bloomers, so she is covered.

Logan covers her with his coat and glares menacingly at Rob, who is still holding the corset. Rob suddenly realizes he's still holding it and hides it behind his back nervously. He points at Remy. Logan's glare turns to the Cajun. "Shoot him!" he orders, without the least hesitation.

"Papa." Amara groans.

"What?"

Amara turns to Pyro with her plea, "Commodore, do you really intend ta kill my rescuer?"

He looks at Amara, then Logan and nods. The swords go down. Remy makes a praying hands sign to say thank you to Amara.

"I believe thanks are in order, mate," Pyro says, extending his hand.

Remy warily shakes Pyro's hand. Pyro grabs on and pulls up his sleeve. On Remy's arm are two tattoos. Technically, they're the washable kind. One is a P and the other is a playing card.

John focuses first on the P. "Had a brush with the East India Company, did we, pirate?"

A pained look crosses Gambit's face and quickly fades.

"Hang him," Logan orders.

"Keep you guns on him, men. Marko, fetch some irons." Then, John notices the other tattoo. "Well, well. Remy LeBeau, isn't it?"

"_Captain_ Remy LeBeau, if you please, sir." Gambit corrects him.

"Well," Pyro says arrogantly, "I don't see your ship, Captain."

"I'm in the market, as it were," Remy explains.

"He said he'd come to commandeer one," Rob says.

Bobby, having to have the last word, "Told you he was telling the truth." Here, he sticks out his tongue. Then, he turns to John. "These are his, sir." He bends down and picks up all of the equipment Remy removed before jumping into the water.

First, Pyro takes the gun and looks it over, "No additional shot nor powder." Then he picks up a compass. "A compass that doesn't point North. . ." He pulls out the sword that glimmers in the sunlight, "And I half expected it to be made of wood." Remy just grins sheepishly after each item is described. "You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of."

Gambit holds up two fingers. "But you _have_ heard of me."

John gets really angry and grabs his arm and drags him over to Cain to be shackled.

Amara takes off after him, "Commodore, I really must protest!"

"Carefully, Lieutenant," John calls out.

"Pirate or not," Amara argues, "this man saved my life!"

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness."

"Though it seems enough to condemn him," Remy says.

"Indeed," John spits out.

About then, Juggernaut is done placing the shackles on Remy. Amara is standing between Pyro and Remy with her back facing Gambit. "Finally," he says, and he grabs her, placing the chain between his irons around her neck. She gasps in surprise.

"Well. At least Sam isn't as defensive as Remy would be," Ray said looking at Sam calmly standing there.

"That's because he ain't a Swamp Rat," Rogue points out, glaring at Remy.

"No!" Xavier calls. "No! Don't shoot!"

"I knew you'd warm up ta me," Remy says to him. "Commodore Allerdyce, my effects, please. And my hat."

Pyro stands there while Logan looks at him.

"Commodore," Remy says threateningly.

Glaring, John turns to Bobby and grabs the pile. The soldiers put their bayonets down.

"It is Amara, is it?" Remy asks Amara.

"It's Miss Howlett," she growls.

"Miss Howlett, if you would be so kind," he asks in a way, that doesn't sound like he's asking, but demanding her to take his stuff from John. "Come, come. We don't have all day."

She takes the stuff, and he grabs his gun and points it at her head. She turns around. "Now if you'll be very kind."

She places his hat on his head, his holster around his waist and his sheath around his chest. All the while, Remy is smiling arrogantly at John and Logan. Logan turns his head away and John rolls his eyes. "Easy on the goods," he tells her.

"You're despicable," she growls at him in perfect imitation of Logan.

"Sticks and stone, love. I saved your life. You save mine. We're square." At this point, he turns Amara back around and addresses the crowd. "Gentlemen, milady, you will always remember this as the day you almost captured Captain Remy LeBeau." And here, he pushes Amara into the crowd, grabs a rope, kicks a lever and the rope sends him soaring up into the air.

The rope happens to be attached to a cannon the falls straight down and into the pier, knocking a hole through the boards. Bobby and Rob, being the closest to the hole, fall straight through it. The pulley that the cannon and rope are attached to starts to spin. Remy gets a little worried and a little nauseous. "Whoa!"

"Now will you shoot him?" Logan growls.

"Open fire!" John shouts out. The bayonets sound off as he keeps spinning.

"Hey!" Remy screams at them. He finally is able to reach the next pulley system.

"On his heels!" Pyro orders. The soldiers take off after him.

Gambit is able to wrap his irons around a rope that leads him down to the dock. He takes off at a run, dodging bullet fire, over a bridge.

Another random extra calls out, "Take cover, man!"

John says to Juggernaut, ", Mr LeBeau has a dawn appointment with the gallows. I would hate for him to miss it."

"Cut!" Ellen and Ray yell.

"Well...at least they didn't complain that much today... " Ray says.

"Yeah," she says, and looks over to Sam who was twitching every few moments.

Ray and Ellen walk over to Sam, and Ray asks, "Uh, Sam, what's wrong with you?"

"The scene that's soon to come..." he responds.

"Oh..."

"If it makes ya feel any better, at least it won't be Jean," Ellen puts a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Yeah..it does..kinda..." Sam begins to relax.

"Bye guys. Gotta go home now," Ellen waves and walks off.

(I have a lot of time on my hands...too much if you ask me..So I'll be updating quite often...Probably every couple days...)

So did ya like it? Please tell me in your reviews! Bye bye now! (Sounds retarted, yes I know)


	4. Scene 3: The fight scene

Disclaimer: I only own Ellen...Nothing else...

Ellen walks in drinking Pepsi with a Yellow Lab at her heels.

"Who's that?" Rahne asks.

"This is Jack, my dog. I brought him here because my parents told me I had to take him with me today..." Ellen responds. "Let's hope today goes as good as yesterday.."

"That scene isn't today, is it?" Sam asks.

"Nope, I think it's tomorrow, though."

"Thank God!"

"Let's get started, people!" Ray calls, standing up from petting Jack.

"My parents are crazy.." Roberto mumbles for no reason.

"Ya know why?" Ray smirks, "Cuz one day years ago they looked at each other and said, 'Hey, why don't we have children?'"(1)

"...Not funny, Crisp!" Rob shakes his fist and begins to mutter phrases that don't sound very nice in Portugese.(2)

The scene opens in town, as solders march through, looking for Remy. Scott is heard ordering the men, "Search upstairs!" Some of the soldiers immediately go up a rickety wooden staircase.

"Look lively, men!" Cain orders.

They pass as the camera zooms in on a statue of a blacksmith. The blacksmith is holding a sword. Suddenly the sword is pulled back. We see Remy was hiding behind it.

He steps out and starts walking quickly. Just then, another group of soldiers march past and he goes into the first door he sees. It happens to be the blacksmith shop. The camera focuses on the sign that reads "Smith" with an anvil above it.

Inside the building, he sheaths his sword and looks around. The room appears to be empty. He walks over to the tool rack. He places his hat on it and grabs a hammer. His chains are making a lot of noise.

He hears a bottle drop to the floor, making him freeze. Then, he hears snoring. Blob, is sitting in a chair, passed out, but not drunk. Remy walks slowly to him and pokes him in the chest.

Fred doesn't move.

Remy starts to turn around and then, turns back and shouts, "Whoa!"

Fredstill doesn't move.

Gambit is convinced and he heads to the anvil and starts trying to hammer his way through the irons. It's futile. Frustrated, he shakes his arms in a lame attempt to break them apart, before noticing a big contraption with weapons circling around it and a Realistic Looking Robot (RLR) donkey to turn it. What he's really interested in is the big metal gears.

He takes a big metal tool straight out of the fire and eyes it.

With a hiss, theRLR donkey brays and starts moving quickly. Remy shakes the tool until it's cool and drops it. Then, he sticks his chains around one of the gears. The gears break through them easily. He grins and then sees the door handle turn.

He runs to hide as Sam walks in and shuts the door behind him. Sam looks oddly at the RLR donkey and rushes over to calm it down. He takes his coat off and walks over to where Fred is still sleeping.

"Right where I left you," he says with relief, unbuttoning his shirt halfway. He looks over at the anvil and notices the hammer. "Not where I left you." He then notices the hat. He goes to touch it and a sword smacks his hand.

There are now balls of fire in Amara's hands.

Sam looks at her and mouths, "Acting."

Sam looks up and sees Remy holding a sword to his chest. Sam backs up, "You're the one they're hunting. The pirate."

"You look somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?" Remy asks.

"I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates."

"Ah, well then, It would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. So, if you'll excuse me," Gambit says, turning away.

Sam grabs a sword and holds it up to his back. Remy hears the noise and turns around. The sword in about a foot away from his face, but Remy shows no fear. He walks towards Sam, making him back up. "Do you think this wise, boy? Crossing blades with a pirate?"

Sam holds the blade up higher. "You threatened Miss Howlett."

Remy rubs his blade up and down Sam's causing a metallic noise.

The sword fight soon begins. Both are masters, but Remy seems to have the advantage at first, while Sam backs away. It's soon seen, they are actually about equal in skill.

Backed to a short wall, Sam takes the advantage and backs Remy up almost to the wall.

Gambit lowers his sword to say, "You know what you're doing. I'll give you that. Excellent form. But how's your footwork?" He moves his feet and starts the fight again. Sam's feet mimic Remy's exactly. "If I step here." Sam blocks all his thrusts.

"Very good. And now I step again." The battle continues. Sam counteracts every slash. But it was all a ruse to get Sam to the other side so that Remy was nearer the door. "Ta."

He heads to the wall and jumps up it. When he is nearly to the door, Sam throws his sword, barely missing Remy's head. The sword is stuck in the door.

Gambit stares wide-eyed at the sword and then back at Sam. Then he attempts to remove it. It doesn't budge an inch.

Sam smiles as Remy's attempts continue. He finally gets free.

Remy turns around and walks down the stairs. "That is a wonderful trick. Except, once again, you are between me and my way out. And now, you have no weapon."

Sam happens to be standing near the tool rack and the fire. He pulls a sword out of the fire. The end is red hot and glowing. Remy's eyes grow wide and the RLR donkey brays and begins to move.

Remy tries to get past him, but Sam's blade cuts him off. Sparks fly as the blades meet.

The fight furiously until Sam's blade is caught in one of the chains still around Remy's wrist. He flings it away. Sam does a back flip over one of the many spinning planks of wood, caused by the RLR donkey's movement. He lands upright in front of a rack full of swords and grabs one.

"When did Sam learn to do backflips?" Amara asked offstage.

"Logan taught me," Sam replies and gets back to fighting.

Remy reaches his and, clinging to the pole, fights. "Who makes all these?"

Climbing higher on the pole, Sam answers, "I do. And I practice with them thee hours a day."

While the battle continues, Remy quips, "You need ta find yourself a woman."

They leave the pole and are back on solid ground. Remy decides to irritate Sam further by adding, "Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet." With a disgusted look on his face, he asks, "You're not a eunuch, are you?" There he looks meaningfully downwards.

"I practice three hours a day so when he meet a pirate, I can kill it!" Sam says passionately, slashing violently at Remy.

This causes Gambit to climb onto a cart that is being propped up by a combination of wood and the short wall. Sam climbs up on the cart as well. The wood breaks and causes the two-wheeled cart to fall off of the wall. The cart is incredibly unstable footing for the two swashbucklers. They rock back and forth as they fight.

Sam sees an opportunity and takes his sword, wraps it up in Remy's chains and sticks it into the rafter. He smiles again, while Remy slashes one handedly, trying to release his arm.

His foot hits a loose plank that comes up and knock Remy under the chin, kicking him off the cart. Sam then pulls himself up to the rafter and pulls out the sword.

Sam grabs another sword and jumps back on the cart just as Remy falls onto it.

Sam goes flying into the rafters, while Remy rolls backwards into the wall. He's a little disoriented but he stands up and gets back on the cart, looking for Sam. He grins as he catches sight of him up in the rafters.

But, at that moment, Sam cuts a rope.

Remy's look quickly changes to "oh-crap," as a net holding about four barrels falls onto the other side of the barrel. He flies into the rafters as well. He manages to hold on to one rafter and climb up quickly.

They jump back and forth from one rafter to another until they finally land on the same one. The battle rages on.

During this battle, Amara and Rogue are watching with intense gazes.

Ellen elbows Ray and points at the girls. Ray starts chuckling.

Remy drops his sword. They both flip down. Sam ends up on the ground before Remy. Remy, seeing no way to get his sword, grabs a bag of red powder and throws it in Sam's face.

Almost blinded, Sam staggers for a minute, while Remy gets down. He grabs his sword and looks up, only to find a gun in his face.

"You cheated," Sam says in amazement.

"Pirate," Remy says with the "duh" look on his face.

Just then, a shaking occurs at the front door, announcing the solders have decided to search the blacksmith's shop. Sam moves between Remy and the back door.

"Move away," Remy says.

"No."

"Please move."

"No," Sam says, "I cannot just step aside and let you escape."

Remy cocks the gun angrily. "This shot is not meant for you."

Sam looks strangely at him, as the sound of glass breaking against Remy's head fills the empty building.

Without a change of expression, Remy falls forward, unconscious, revealing Fred standing, just barely, holding the broken empty bottle he had dropped earlier.

That's when the solders break through the door.

"There he is," one of them calls, "Over here!"

Pyro, Juggernaut and Mesmero all enter. "Excellent work, Mr. Smith," Pyro claims, "You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

The half-drunken man replies, "Just doing my civic duty, sir." His words are slurred and he can hardly stand straight.

"Well," Pyro says, "I trust that you will always remember this is the day that Captain Remy LeBeau _almost_ escaped. Take him away." He turns away as the solders pick the unconscious man up.

"Cut!" the two directors calls.

Amara rushes over to Sam and squeezes him.

"Can't...breathe..." Sam manages.

"Sorry," Amara blushes.

"Ya did good, Swamp Rat," Rogue admits to Gambit.

"Thank ya, cherie," Remy smirks, snaking his arm around Rogue's waist.

"Get off meh!"

Remy sighed as Rogue shoved his arm off her waist, "I try. I really do.."

Ray smiles and says, "She'll come around one day. Trust me."

"That femme likes you a lot. I can tell."

Ray blushed.

"Bye guys!" Ellen walked over as Remy started following Rogue.

"See ya Ray," she kissed his cheek.

(Told ya I have too much time on my hands...Hehe.)

1. Quote from Jeff Foxworthy.

2. It's odd that Roberto's Brazilian and speaks Portuguese. Well...I think so anyway.

For you peoplewho don't know what a eunuch is, it was a man who had been castrated in order to keep his voice high pitched for, ahem, singing purposes. This was normally done before puberty, I think.

I probably won't update any more this week...cuz I'm pretty busy. But I'll update next week! See ya!


	5. Scene 4:Enter The Black Pearl

Disclaimer: Well...Remy took the part where I saw I don't own anything...so I'll leave you to try to figure what the disclaimer is.

A/N: Kitty and Wanda will not be playing Scarlett and Giselle anymore. Instead, they'll be played by the two girls usually seen with Taryn...We'll call the Amy and Cam...Just two random names.

"I WILL NOT GET ACUPUNCTURE! Why don't you try waking up?"(1) Ellen hears Remy scream. She sighs and walks over to Rogue, who is rolling with laughter.

"Umm...did you tell him to get acupuncture?" she asks.

"No...Piotr...told him...to stop smoking. Then Tabitha...tells him to...get acupuncture," she explains between gasps.

"Oh..." Ellen looks strangely at Remy, who is running in circles away from Tabitha. "Tabitha! Quit freaking Remy out! We need him for the next scene. Kurt, please do the honors."

Kurt bowed and teleported over to Tabitha. He grabbed her arm and 'ported her somewhere else.

Remy walks over to Ellen, panting, "That girl is crazy... When I get my hands on her..."

Ray walks behind Ellen and says cheerfully, "Mornin El-"

"GOOD LORD!" Ellen screams and dives behind Remy. "Don't _do _that! You scared the hell outta me!"

Ray grins sheepishly and apologizes, "Really sorry. Didn't mean to scare you..."

She sighs and walks out from behind Gambit and grabs Ray's arm. "It's okay. Lets get started."

A fog looms in the harbor and then the scene switches to the jail, where Toad, Evan, Mastermind, and Jamie's Clone stand at the bars whistling to Rahne–in her wolf form–holding a large ring of keys.

"Can you smell it?" Toad says, holding a big bone with meat still hanging from it in places.

"Come here," pleads Evan.

"It's marrowbone," Mastermind says with a look of contempt for having to play a measly prisoner in a lousy play.

"Come here, girl," Jamie's Clone (JC) says.

"Want a nice juicy bone?" Todd asks.

"Come here," Evan pleads again.

Rahne is looking at them as if they are stupid.

"Come here, girl," Mastermind says.

"Come on," JC pleads.

They keep calling her, but Rahne just sits there looking at them as if they're idiots.

Remy, sitting against the wall in the next cell, says rather irritated, "You can keep doing that forever. The dog is never gonna move."

"Oh, excuse us," Todd says, "if we haven't resigned ourselves to the gallows just yet, yo."

Remy looks at him, then smirks and turns his head.

The scene changes to Jean shoveling coals from a fireplace into an old fashioned bed warmer. It's a metal circle with a lid and a long pole.

Jean takes it and places it at the foot of Amara's bed. "There you go, miss." She says. "It was a difficult day for you, I'm sure."

Amara has been reading in the bed, she mumbles and then answers, "I suspected Commodore Allerdyce would propose, but," she says, taking her eyes off the book, "I must admit, I wasn't entirely prepared for it."

Jean fluffs the covers, making sure Amara is tucked in. She looks at her oddly. "I meant you being threatened by that pirate. . . Sounds terrifying."

"Oh," Amara says. "Yes, it was terrifying."

"But," Jean says rather bored, "the Commodore proposed! Fancy that! Now, that's a smart match, miss. If it's not too bold to say."

Amara answers dryly, "It is a smart match."

Sam shakes his head and whispers to Piotr, "The script is awful strange, don't ya think?" Piotr nods his head and continues to watch.

"He's a fine man," she mutters. "He's what any woman should dream of marrying."

Jean catches the disgusted and slightly sad look in Amara eyes and says, "Well, that Sam Guthrie, he's a fine man too. That didn't sound right.."

"AHEM.." Ellen and Ray glare daggers at her off screen. Partly because they hate her, and partly because she just insulted their friend.

Amara looks up at her half in wonder and half in anger, "That _is _too bold."

Jean turns away, "Well, begging your pardon, miss. It was not my place." She leaves the room and shuts the door behind her.

Amara, looking briefly across the stage to where Sam is standing for his scene, pulls out the necklace and holds it tightly. An ill wind blows through the room, thanks to Storm. She watches as the lamp fire dies, causing John to frown sadly. Then, Amara looks towards the window.

The scene changes to Sam standing, hammering metal against an anvil. He hears a strange sound and stops, looking towards the window. He opens the window and looks out. A strange fog fills the streets and a dog runs up the lane.

In the bay, a ship looms silently near the town.

The scene changes to the fort where Pyro and Logan are walking around. "Has my daughter given you an answer yet?" Wolverine asks.

"No, she hasn't," John replies.

"Well, she has had a very trying day," Logan says gruffly, trying to reassure him. Changing the subject, he states, "Ghastly weather, don't you think?"

"Bleak, very bleak," Pyro says.

Pyro stops walking and stares out to sea.

They hear a distant boom. Wolverine asks, "What's that?"

"Cannon fire, mates!" Pyro shouts and pushes Logan down. Just in time, as a cannon ball sweeps just past them. "Return fire!" Pyro orders.

Inside Remy's cell, he sits up. "I know those guns."

John's voice, off stage, shouts, "Men to arms!"

Remy and the other prisoners stare out their windows. Through them they can see a ship with black sails shooting up at the fort and cannons raining fire on the ship. "It's the _Pearl."_

"The_ Black Pearl_?" Toad asks, "I've heard stories, yo. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors."

"No survivors?" Remy asks, "Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?"

Toad and the others look very confused.

The ship continues to fire cannons from both sides. Extras on the dock rush around frantically. In the town, people run screaming in fright, as cannon balls blast through chimneys and other parts of various buildings.

A small RLR baby stands screaming for his mother, "Mama! Mama!" The chaos rushes around him and a cannon ball hits a large scaffold and it falls directly towards his head. Just in time, Dani rushes to him and grabs the RLR baby. The scaffold crashes to the ground.

Pirates ride to the shores in life boats and jump out shouting along the way. "Coming through!" someone shouts. The camera closes in on Pietro and Lance. Lance is trimming his wooden eye. He pops it in his eye socket.

"Ew! How'd he do that?" Jubilee and half the girls ask.

"Forge's Image Inducer. More complex than Professor Xavier's, and it can do more," Ellen responds.

Lance looks at Pietro and they head into the town with huge grins. Extras are thrown around the stage by Jean's telekinesis, but supposedly from the cannon fire. The camera closes in on Alex, who is holding a bomb in each hand and grinning.

Alex tosses the bombs into a couple windows and seeing Tabitha, starts chasing her. Tabitha fake screams and runs. "Being chased by a hot guy with bombs ain't really that bad.."

In the blacksmith shop, Sam grabs a hatchet and a sword. He rushes out just as Tabby and Alex run by. He hurls the hatchet at Alex. Due to his good aim, it lands in the middle of Alex's back and he falls to the ground screaming, "Ahh!"

"Sorry, Alex," Sam continues to run into the fray, he grabs the hatchet as he runs by Alex's limp body. Sam fights Kurt as other pirate extras battle civilian extras. The pirates are clearly winning.

A cannon ball rips through the fort and destroys a gallows. Soldier extras rush frantically and jump out of the way as more cannon balls fly into the fort. They are however fighting cannon fire with more cannon fire.

"Sight the muzzle flash!" Pyro calls out.

"Aim for the flashes!" Scott calls.

"I need a full strike, fore and aft!" Pyro calls. "Mr. Fury, more cartridges!" Logan walks over near the cannons. Too close for John's liking. "Governor, barricade yourself in my office!"

Logan stands there as another cannon ball sails past and flinches.

"That's an order!" John says angrily.

The scene changes to Xavier's mansion, where the cannon fire brings Amara rushing out on her balcony, wearing a robe over her nightgown. There she sees the town on fire and several pirates crashing through the gates. She stares in horror and then runs back inside and they start banging on the door.

Arcade is heading for the door while she runs down the stairs.

"Don't!" she shouts, but alas, it is too late for Arcade has already opened the door.

"Hello, chum," Pietro says pleasantly before he takes his gun and shoots Arcade.

Amara screams and covers her mouth as Arcade falls to the floor, dead. Well, he's not really dead. The pirates rush in, Pie(I'm just gonna start calling him Pie) and Lance first, and they head off with torches around the house. They both look up at the stairs.

Lance notices Amara and points his torch towards her. "Up there! Up there!"

Amara takes off running back up the stairs. She runs into her room and locks the door. She turns around to run again and bumps straight into Jean. They both scream.

"Miss Howlett!" Jean states, "They've come to kidnap you!"

"What?" Amara asks.

"You're the governor's daughter."

Pie's voice is heard, "In here!" He is banging against Amara's dressing room door.

Realization dawns on Amara's face. The girls glance at the door and then Amara pushes Jean towards a hiding place. "Listen, they haven't seen you. Hide, and the first chance you get, run to the fort." Amara runs off in the opposite direction as the door burst open and Pie and Lance enter the room.

Amara runs into her bedroom room and the two pirates take after her. As Pie comes to the doorway, Bang! He is hit in the head with the old-fashioned bed warmer. His eyes roll back into his head.

Jean screeches and takes the opportunity to run out of the room.

Amara goes to hit Lance with it, but he grabs the handle. "Gotcha!" He says

She struggles to get it out of his grasp and he switches to holding it with his hand and he says, "Gotcha, haven't I? Boo! Boo!"

Amara smirks at him and pulls the trigger. Hot coals rain down on his head. She pretends to freak out as he really freaks out. "No! No! No! No! It's hot! You burned me!"

Pie looks on as Amara runs out and Pyro is laughing off stage. Pietro glares at Pyro and then shoves Lance. "Come on!" He takes off after Amara.

Jean is just reaching the front door. She screams as she sees Arcade lying on the floor surrounded by fake blood. She runs out and heads to the fort.

Amara runs down the stairs, followed by Pie. Lance jumps from the balcony and lands directly in front of her, causing her to scream. She looks from one to the other. She seems trapped.

An extra pirate walks in holding a bunch of treasure. They all look at him. Just then, a cannon ball flies through the house and knocks the pirate back through the door he just came through.

Amara sees her opportunity and runs through to the dining room, slamming the doors behind her. The chandelier crashes behind her, slowing Pie and Lance's progress. She takes a candlestick and locks the door with it. Then she rushes to the fireplace, where two mounted swords are hanging above the mantle. She grabs the sword and tries to take it out of the mount. They are permanently mounted and the whole thing comes off the wall. She shakes it, but it won't come out, "No!"

The banging on the door becomes louder. She looks over, fear radiating from her face. The door crashes open and Pie and Lance burst in to find an empty room.

Lance heads straight for the open window, but Pie holds him back. "We know you're here, poppet...Poppet? Who uses these words?"

Ray replies, "It's a British team of endearment that is used to address a dear person, especially a child."

"Smart, aren't we?" Ellen smiles sweetly.

"Poppet," Lance echoes.

"Come out and we promise we won't hurt you," Pie lies.

"Eh?" Lance asks, rather confused. Pie looks at him as if he's an idiot, and Lance finally realizes Pie was lying.

"We will find you, poppet."

The camera focuses on Amara's face. She is hiding in a china closet. A thin ray of light lies across her face.

"You've got something of ours and it calls to us," Pie claims as he and Todd walk silently around the room. He notices a corner of the rug in front of the china closet has been upturned. "The gold calls to us."

"Gold," Lance echoes nervously.

Amara fingers the necklace and watches it glitter in the light. When, suddenly, the light disappears. She looks up to see Pie's eye staring in at her. "Hello, poppet."

She gasps as he opens the doors. She immediately shouts out, "Parley," as Pie's gun stares her in the face.

"What?" he says, relaxing the gun a little.

"Parley. I invoke the right of parley. According to the Code of the Brethren set down by the pirates Scalface and Lucid, you have to take me to your captain," she says.

"I know the Code," Pie says, angry that she would think he didn't. He still has his gun in her face.

"If an adversary demands parley, you can do them no harm until the parley is complete," she insists.

"To blazes with the Code," Lance says, taking out his sword.

"She wants to be taken to the captain," Pie yells. "And she'll go without a fuss. We must honor the Code."

Back in the town, two pirates crash a barrel through a window. Other pirates are setting things on fire.

Sam is still fighting Kurt. Kurt is fighting with a huge grapple. He ends up hooking Sam around the neck and pulling him in. "Say goodbye."

Just in time, a cannon ball hits the window above them, knocking a sign down. It collapses and Sam is able to duck out in time. Kurt isn't so lucky. "Goodbye," Sam says. He heads back out into the main street, just in time to see the group of pirates from the mansion dragging Amara along.

"Sam!" she calls.

"Come on," Pie hollers at her.

"Amara," he says, fixing to chase after them.

That's when Alex steps into his line of view. Sam looks at Alex confused. Alex looks meaningfully down. Sam follows his gaze and sees a lit bomb. He backs up as the fuse winds to it's end. Nothing happens. Alex's smirk disappears.

But two pirates, one of which is Duncan, come by, carrying a chest full of treasure. "Out of my way, scum," Duncan says. He then takes a candlestick and hits Sam over the head, knocking him unconscious. Alex runs off laughing.

Back at the prison, Remy is watching all this happen. His eyes grow large and he ducks as a cannon ball crashes into the prison wall.

He looks up to see the cannon ball made a huge hole, right in the next cell. As the four prisoners climb through, Toad stops. "My sympathies, friend. You've no manner of luck at all, yo."

He climbs through and Remy rests his head against the stone as they climb the rocks down below. He rushes back and grabs the marrow bone through the bars. He sticks it through and starts whistling.

Rahne had hidden under a bench during the cannon fire.

"Come on, Doggy," he calls. "It's just you and me now." Rahne comes halfway out from under the bench. "It's you and Remy, now. Come on." Rahne comes completely out from under the bench and stands up. "Come on. That's a girl. Good girl. Come get the bone." Rahne starts walking towards him. "That's a good girl. Come on. A bit closer. A bit closer." Rahne has almost reached the cell now. "That's it. That's it, doggy. Come on, you filthy, slimy, mangy cur," he states in a sing-song voice.

A door closes and catches Rahne's attention.

"Don't do that," Remy whines.

Rahne gets scared and runs off.

"No, no!" Remy calls. "I didn't mean it! I didn't!"

The sound of fighting is loud and a random extra soldier falls head over heels down the stairs and two pirates, Warren and Caliban, barge into the prison.

"This isn't the armory," Warren states.

Caliban catches sight of Remy and sheaths his sword. "Well, well, well. Look what we have here, Angel. Captain Remy LeBeau," Caliban spits.

"Last time I saw you, you were all alone on a godforsaken island, shrinking into the distance," Warren says. "His fortunes aren't improved much."

"Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen," Remy remarks. "The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers."

Caliban growls and sticks his arm thing through the bars. It looks like his arm has turned into a skeletal arm that grasps Remy's neck, thanks to Forge's Image Inducer.

"So there is a curse," Remy says. "That's interesting."

"You know nothing of hell," Caliban growls. He jerks Remy's neck and pulls away, the image inducer making it look like his arm turned back to normal. Caliban and Warren leave the room.

Remy stares at the marrowbone, "That's very interesting."

The scene changes. The moon is blocked by a rolling cloud, due to everyone's favorite weather witch. The _Black Pearl_ continues to fire on the fort and the town. Two life boats return to the ship. One of which carries Amara, Pie, and Lance. Amara stares in awe at the huge vessel and then back down at her feet.

Aboard the ship, Magneto watches as the pirates scurry around, sorting the loot. More pirates climb onto the ship from the lifeboats. Pie and Lance help Amara up. She can see Erik standing tall and imposing at the top of the stairs. An RLR monkey chatters and jumps onto his shoulder.

Pie drags Amara along towards the stairs until he is stopped by Sabretooth.

"I didn't know we was taking on captives," he growls at Pie.

Pie looks up at him and says nervously, "She's invoked the right of parley with Captain Lensherr."

"I'm here to..." but she is cut off by Sabretooth's slap across her face. At this point, Sam clenches his fists and mutters, "I outta cannonball him into a metal wall..."

"Sam...Please calm down...It was in the script," Ray pleads.

"You'll speak when you're spoken too." Victor orders her.

Magneto grabs Victor's raised hand. "And you'll not lay a hand on those under the protection of parley."

Glaring at Magneto, Victor replies, "Aye, sir," and snatches his hand back down.

"My apologies, miss," Magneto says to Amara.

Amara states, "Captain Lensherr, I'm here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal."

"There were a lot of long words in there, miss. We're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?"

"I want to melt you..." Amara mutters.

"Amara!" Ray and Ellen plead.

"Stop doing that!" Pietro screams. Ellen and Ray give him weird looks.

Amara continues, "I want you to leave and never come back."

The pirate crew start laughing. Magneto doesn't. Instead, he states, "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." When Amara stares confusedly at him, he says, "Means no."

"Very well," Amara says and taking the medallion, heads to the edge of the boat. The pirates all take a step forward in fear. Amara holds the necklace over the water. "I'll drop it."

No emotion shows on Magneto's face as he says, "My holds are bursting with swag. That bit of shine matters to us?" he looks over at his crew. "Why?"

Amara looks confused. "It's what you've been searching for. I recognize this ship. I saw it eight years ago on the crossing from Bayville."

"Did you, now," Magneto says with a nod of his head.

"Fine," she says with determination. "Well, I suppose if it _is_ worthless, then there's no point in me keeping it." And she lets the necklace drop.

The pirates all step forward in fear and Magneto cries, "No!"

Amara stops the necklace at the last moment. She opens her jaw with the look that says 'Oh, I was right.'

Magneto laughs nervously and steps slowly towards her. She brings the necklace close to her once again.

"You have a name, missy?"

Amara says, "Amara. . . Guthrie. Ya know, Sam, that has a sounds has a nice ring to it."

Sam blushes and smiles.

"I'm a maid in the governor's household."

Magneto's eyes grow large as he turns back to face his crew. "Miss Guthrie."

Murmurs erupt amongst the crew. Pie looks at Lance and says, "Bootstrap."

Magneto turns back towards her, "And how does a maid own a trinket such as that? Family heirloom, perhaps?"

"I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean," Amara grumbles.

"Very well," Magneto agrees. "You hand it over and we'll put your town to our rudder and never return."

She drops it into his hand without hesitation. He hands it to the RLR monkey who, chattering and slightly sparking jumps onto a rope.

Amara starts to get nervous, "Our bargain?"

He turns around and nods to Victor and then walks off.

"Still the guns and stow them," Sabretooth calls out. He keeps on ordering the crew the get the boat ready.

Amara runs after Erik, "Wait! You have to take me to shore! According to the Code of the Order of the Brethren. . ."

Erik stops and swerves around to face her, "First, your return to shore was not a part of our negotiations nor our agreement. So I must do nothing. And second, you must be a pirate for the Pirate's Code to apply, and you're not. And thirdly, the Code's more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules. Welcome aboard the_ Black Pearl_, Miss Guthrie." He turns back around and heads up the stairs.

Pietro and Lance each grab her by the arm and start pulling her off screen.

"And cut!" Ray calls.

"Thank goodness! My head hurts..." Sam rubs the back of his head.

"I found the Lemon Drops!" Ellen and Ray turn to Jamie, who is dancing around holding a bag of Lemon Drops.

"Where's you get those, laddie?" Rahne asks.

"Remy gave 'em to me," was the answer from Jamie.

"Well don't get too sugar high, Jamie," Ellen ruffled Jamie's hair. "See you guys tomorow!"

(1) Quote from Bill Engvall. What is it with me and Blue Collar Comedy Tour quotes?

That took longer that expected. The next chapter will reveal Pietro's fear of ANYTHING synchronized, hehe. I keep typing Scott instead of Pyro or John, so sorry about that. Hope ya like it!


	6. Scene 5: Tortuga

Disclaimer: Well...Remy took the part where I saw I don't own anything...so I'll leave you to try to figure what the disclaimer is.

A/N: Kitty and Wanda will not be playing Scarlett and Giselle anymore. Instead, they'll be played by the two girls usually seen with Taryn...We'll call the Amy and Cam..just two random names.

Ellen walks in to find complete mayhem. Sam is running away from Pyro who is randomly throwing fireballs at him. Amara is trying to get John to stop chasing Sam. Lance is trying to flirt with Kitty who is ignoring him and talking to Piotr and Kurt. Scott and Jean are nowhere to be found, which is perfectly fine. Alex and Blob are standing around whistling the not-so-innocent whistle. The NR's–minus Sam, Amara, and Jamie–are having fun messing with Pietro while doing annoying things in unison while Pietro cowers. Jamie, who is on sugar-high, is following Logan around singing "The Song that Never Ends." Logan is twitching every 20 seconds. Forge and Hank are arguing over science stuff. Todd is following Wanda around while Wanda occasionally hexes him into a wall. The rest are either sleeping or eating.

Ellen grabs Ray as he runs past her. "Oof!" Ray grunts as he gets pulled back towards Ellen. He falls on his butt, groaning.

"Sorry, Ray. Come on. I'd like to get this day started," Ellen pinches the bridge of her nose.

"PEOPLE! SHUT UP AND GET IN YOUR PLACES!" Ray and Ellen yell in unison, making Pietro screech, "Stop that!"

The camera zooms in on Sam as he lays in the middle of the road. RLR chickens scurry about. Suddenly, Sam opens his eyes. He rubs his head and moans as he stands up. He looks at the scene in front of him. He is shocked that it is daylight and people are trying to clean up the mess the pirates left behind.

The scene changes and two soldier extras carry a fake dead body past a porch-like thing where a table is set up. Around the table are Pyro, Logan, Mesmero, Bobby, Roberto, and a few extras. John and Logan are looking at a map.

Sam runs up to them with hatchet in hand. "They've taken her. They've taken Amara."

Without looking up, Pyro says dryly, "Mr. Da Costa, remove this man."

Rob goes up to Sam, but he waves his hand away and Rob backs off. "We have to hunt them down. We must save her."

Logan looks up at him. "And where do you propose we start, bub?"

Wolverine continues, "If you have any information concerning my daughter, please share it." There is a forced desperate tone to his voice.

Rob speaks up, "That Remy LeBeau, he talked about the _Black Pearl_."

"Mentioned it is more what he did," Bobby says condescendingly.

Rob glares daggers at him.

Sam looks at John, "Ask him where it is. Make a deal with him. He could lead us to it."

"No," John says, still not looking up. "The pirates who invaded this fort left LeBeau locked in his cell, ergo they are _not_ his allies."

"Ergo? What type of word is that?" Jamie asks

"The kind of word you would know if ya were older," Bobby says.

"Bobby!" Ellen puts her hands on her hips, "Don't be so mean to Jamie."

"Fine. Touchy," Bobby mutters under his breath.

"Governor, we will establish their most likely course–" John starts.

He is interrupted by Remy taking the hatchet and slamming it down onto the table. "That's not good enough!" He yells.

Pyro turns and looks at the ax. He takes it out of the table and says, "Mr. Guthrie, you are not a military man. You are not a sailor. You are a blacksmith." He enjoys this part. He grabs Sam's arm and drags him out into the street. "And this is not the moment for rash actions." Looking in Sam's eyes, which is hard, Sam being taller than most, he says quietly, "Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only man here who cares for Amara." Sam just looks at him.

The scene changes to the prison, where Remy is miserable. He is trying to pick the lock with the marrowbone. He hears a door open, stops and jumps back away from the door, leaving the marrowbone inside the lock.

The visitor is not a prison guard, as he guessed, but Sam. "You. LeBeau," Sam says. "You are familiar with that ship. The _Black Pearl._"

"I've heard of it," Remy says, laying down.

"Where does it make berth?" Sam says.

"Where does it make berth?" Remy repeats in a tone that implies it was a stupid question. "Have you not heard the stories? Captain Lensherr and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that cannot be found, except by those who already know where it is."

"The ship's real enough," Sam says, "Therefore, it's anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?"

"Why ask me?" Remy asks.

"Because you're a pirate," Sam spits out.

"And you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?"

Sam grabs the bars in frustration, "Never." He calms down and then states, "They took Miss Howlett."

"Oh," Remy says, bracing himself on his arms, "So, it is that you found a girl. I see. Well, if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue, and so win the fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone, homme. I see no profit in it for me." He laughs.

"I can get you out of here."

"How's that? The key's run off."

"I helped build these cells. These are half-pin barrel hinges." He turns and grabs a bench that happens to be nearby. "With the right leverage and the proper application of strength," he places the feet of the bench in the holes of the cell and states, "the door will lift free."

"What's your name?" Remy inquires.

"Sam Guthrie."

He sits up. "Good, strong name. No doubt your last name's the same as your father's, eh?"

Sam rolls his eyes, "Yes."

"Uh-huh." Pyro sits for a moment and then gets up, "Well, Mr. Guthrie, I've changed my mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death I shall take you to the _Black Pearl_ and your bonny girl. Do we have an accord?" He sticks his hand through the holes.

Sam grabs his hand and shakes it, "Agreed."

"Agreed. Get me out."

Sam pushes down on the bench and the door pops right off with a loud bang. "Hurry, someone will have heard that."

Remy rushes out of the cell, "Not without my effects," and he grabs his stuff from a hook.

The scene changes and Sam and Remy are seen running under a bridge near the dock. They stop and look at the ships.

"We're going to steal the ship?" Sam asks nervously."That ship?" he asks, looking at the _Dauntless_.

"Commandeer," Gambit replies. "We're going to commandeer _that_ ship." And he points to the_ Interceptor. "_Nautical term. One question about your business, or there's no use going. This girl. How far are you willing to go to save her?"

"I would die for her," he says truthfully, making Amara blush off stage.

"How sweet," Ellen whispers to Amara, making her blush more.

"Oh, good," Remy responds, rather flippantly. "No worries, then."

The scene changes again and Bobby, Roberto and two soldier extras march by a line of canoes by the shore.

Suddenly, one of the canoes starts moving. Four legs peek out from underneath it.

Next the camera shows the dock, only from underneath it, as Sam and Remy guide the canoe at the bottom of the sea bed. Inside the canoe is a lot of air. Sam is surprised. "This is either madness or brilliance."

"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide," Remy says.

Sam steps in a crab trap and looks down. He can't get it off, so he just keeps walking. The trap is tied to a barrel floating on the surface. As the barrel floats by, Jamie, who is fishing off the dock, watches it with wonder.

The scene changes to the _Dauntless_, where the crab trap is tied to the rudder. The barrel is tied higher up.

Sam and Remy climb up to the top and onto the ship. Gambit is holding his gun and Sam, his sword. Suddenly, while climbing down stairs, Remy yells out, "Everyone stay calm! We're taking over the ship!"

"Aye! Avast!" Sam says.

Remy looks at him like he's crazy. Cain's crew starts laughing, while Cain just stands there glaring.

"This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay," Juggernaut growls.

Shaking a little, Remy replies, "I'm Captain Remy LeBeau" while sticking the gun in Juggernaut's face and cocking it. "Savvy?"

On the dock, Mesmero is talking to some miscellaneous soldier extras, while more extras are loading the _Interceptor_. John is facing him and looking at some charts. He turns to talk to John and sees something in the distance, "Commodore!"

Juggernaut shouts out, "Sir! They've taken the Dauntless!"

John looks through his telescope and sees Juggernaut and his crew of extras on a life boat. Cain shouts out again, "Commodore, They've taken the ship!" He points to the _Dauntless_. Pyro moves the glass over the ship and sees two men working it. "LeBeau and Guthrie have taken the _Dauntless_!"

Pyro says in a bored tone, "Rash, Guthrie. Too rash, mate. This is without doubt the worst pirate I have ever seen."

Sam runs up the steps to Remy, who's behind the wheel. "Here they come."

Remy looks out and sees the life boat heading back to shore and the _Interceptor_ heading straight towards them. He smiles. Everything is going according to plan.

Suddenly Juggernaut decides to help Pyro with a, "Bring her around! Bring her around!"

The _Interceptor _pulls up next to the _Dauntless_ and they hurl grappling hooks to the _Dauntless_. Tons of soldier extras flood the larger ship. In fact, every crew member on the _Interceptor_ heads off to the _Dauntless_. Including John who orders, "Search every cabin, every hull, down to the bilges."

And while this is happening, Sam and Remy swing back to the _Interceptor_. And with Sam's hatchet, he cuts every rope tying the two ships together. The _Interceptor_ begins to move faster. Wooden planks they had used to board the _Dauntless_ fall into the water creating a big splash.

John stops in his tracks. He slowly turns around. "Sailors, back to the_ Interceptor_! Now!"

One extra attempts this death defying stunt, only to end up flipping into the water. Pyro and Mesmero rush to the edge and watch as the ship sails away.

Remy takes his hat off, "Thank ye, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way! We'd have had a hard time of it by ourselves."

Some soldier extras fire their blank-filled guns at the ship. This, of course, does absolutely nothing.

John, looking outraged, turns and walks off, saying to Mesmero, "Set topsails and clear up this mess."

Mesmero argues, "With the wind, we won't catch them."

"I don't need to. Just get them in range of the long nines."

"Hands, come about!" Scott calls, in a girly voice, I might add.

"Run out the guns!" Mesmero orders. Then, quietly, where only John can hear, "We are to fire on our own ship, sir?"

"I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean than in the hands of a pirate."

Nick Fury says, "Commodore, he's disabled the rudder chain, sir."

Juggernaut's life boat is reaching the ship. He sees the ship isn't turning. "Abandon ship!" Everyone in the lifeboat dives into the sea in one direction or the other as the lifeboat crashes against the _Dauntless_. "And just _why_ did the authoress pick me for this role?"

Authoress: I have _absolutely no _idea. It's fun to make you look like an even bigger idiot than Bobby, I guess.

Bobby yells, "HEY!"

Authoress: It's true. I like you Bobby, I really do. It's just so much more fun to torture ya!

"Can we get back to the parody?" Jamie asks.

Authoress: Please do.

Scott hangs his head in shame.

Mesmero grins as he says, "That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen."

Pyro raises his head and replies, "So it would seem."

The camera follows the _Interceptor. _Sam starts a conversation with Remy, because, face it, it's gonna be a long trip. "When I was a lad living in Bayville, my momma raised me by herself. After she died, I came out here, looking for my dad."

"Is that so?" Remy asks, not at all interested.

"My father, Thomas Zebulon.(1) It was only after you learnt my name you agreed to help. I'm not a simpleton, Remy. You knew my father."

Remy stops tying a knot and turns to face him. "I knew him. Probably one of the few who knew him as Thomas Zebulon. Everyone else called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Tom."

"Bootstrap?" Sam questions.

"Good man. Good pirate." Sam looks shocked. "I swear, you look just like him." Remy moves towards the wheel.

"That's not true!" Sam defends. "He was a merchant sailor. A good respectable man who obeyed the law."

"He was a bloody pirate. A scallywag."

"My father was not a pirate!" Sam growls, drawing his sword.

"Put it away, mate. It's not worth you getting beat again."

"You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you."

Remy turns to face him, "That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, is it?"

He turns the sail and the...beam thing that the sail is attached to turns and hits Sam in the stomach. He fortunately had the foresight to lift his arms and grab a hold of it. He is left hanging on to it over the ocean. He dropped the sword on the deck.

Remy picks up the sword. "Now, as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these. What a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. Pirate is in your blood, mate, so you'll have to square with that someday. Now, me, for example. I can let you drown. But I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesy, savvy? So." Here he turns the wheel the other way and the sail comes back and Sam falls onto the deck. He places the end of the sword at Sam's throat. "Can you sail under the command of a pirate?" He flips the sword around and catches the blade, letting Sam grab the handle. "Or can you not? I don't like bein' so mean to this poor country boy."

"_Poor_ country boy?" Sam growls.

"AHEM" Ray and Ellen glare.

"Sorry," Sam and Remy squeak.

"Quit doing things in unison!" Pietro squeals.

"Shut up, Pie, yo," Toad kicks him.

"Tortuga?"

"Tortuga," Remy says with a grin.

The scene changes to a group of cliffs that hide a bay, wherein lays a small town near the water. The _Interceptor_ sails towards it.

Lots of extra pirates fill the small town of Tortuga. One is dragged by the camera. Others fight and shoot guns into the air. A wagon rides by a house full of men shooting guns and scantily clad weapon of ill-repute.

"More importantly, it is indeed a sad life," Remy is telling Sam, as they walk up an alley beside the house, where several supposed drunk extras lay or sit on barrels of water marked ale, "that has never breathed deep this sweet bouquet that is Tortuga, savvy? What do you think?"

Sam looks around and sees Fred, pretending to be a different drunk, pouring two glasses of the "ale" into his mouth at once. Sam rolls his unique eyes. "It'll linger."

At the sound of Remy saying, "I'll tell you, homme, if every town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted," Cam looks up sharply. She is wearing a ridiculous amount of makeup and a bright yellow dress. She stalks over to them. "Cam!" Remy says happily, running to meet her. She slaps him across the face and stalks off. "Not sure I deserved that." He turns around to see another girl standing there. "Amy."

"Who was she?" Amy asks, clearly upset.

"What?" Remy asks. She slaps him across the face and stalks off angrily. "I may have deserved that."

The scene changes to inside a barn, where Xavier lays sleeping. His head lays on a pile of pigs who are also sleeping. Remy throws a bucket of water on him, setting off the shock device in his collar. He twitches around for a while, then shouts, claws out, "Curse you for breathing, you slack-jawed idiot!" Remy stands there next to Sam, holding the bucket and smiling. "Mother's love! Remy! You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. It's bad luck," Xavier says.

Remy retorts, "Ah, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking."

Xavier says happily, obviously almost drunk, "Aye, that'll about do it." He takes Remy's offered hand and stands up.

At this time, Sam has the bucket and throws the water on him.

Xavier glares at Sam, who smiles sheepishly, and says, "Blast! I'm already awake, Country Boy!"

"That was for the smell," Sam chooses to ignore the nickname and smiles.

The scene changes to a bar, where Remy is walking carrying two mugs of tea that's supposed to be ale. He walks next to Sam and says, "You keep a sharp eye," then heads to the table where Xavier sits.

Sam watches men fighting and notices Mystique _looking_ drunk. Keyword: looking.

At the table, Xavier asks, "Now, what's the nature of the venture of yourn?"

"I'm going after the _Black Pearl_." Remy states simply.

Xavier nearly chokes on his Pepsi.

"I know where it's gonna be, and I'm gonna take it."

"Remy, it's a fool's errand, you know better than me the tales of the _Black Pearl_."

Remy nods, "That's why I know what Lensherr's up to. All I need is a crew."

"From what I hear of Captain Lensherr," Xavier responds, "he's not a man to suffer fools, or strike a bargain with one."

"Well then, I'd say it's a very good thing I'm not a fool," Remy replies, to which Rogue chuckles and mutters.

"Prove me wrong," Xavier growls. "What makes you think Lensherr will give up his ship to you?"

"Let's just say it's a matter of leverage," he nods in Sam's direction.

Sam looks over at them, he clearly overheard the words, but chooses to ignore them for the time being. Besides, Mystique is headed his way and she is still pretending to be drunk. He begins to get scared.

Xavier grunts, he doesn't understand.

Remy nods more dramatically at Sam. He nods again at the dumb look on Xavier's face and the shaking of his puzzled head. It takes two more nods before Xavier catches on and looks at Sam.

Sam is standing next to Mystique, looking even more scared by the second.

"The Kid?" Xavier asks.

Gambit nods. "That is the child of Bootstrap Tom Zebulon. His only child, savvy?"

"Is he, now?" Xavier asks, looking at Remy again.

Sam is still scared and now twitching occasionally. He looks over at Raven, who's now flirting with a drunken extra.

"'Leverage,' says you," Xavier spits out. "'I think I feel a change in the wind,' says I. I'll find us a crew. There's bound to be some sailors on this rock as crazy as you."

"As crazy as him? I'm not crazy!" X-23 shouts off screen.

"It's in the script!" Xavier cowers.

"One can only hope," Remy says. "Take what you can," he raises his glass.

"Give nothing back," Xavier says with a smile. They cling they're glasses together, and they both drink the rest of the tea in one gulp, managing to slam the mugs down at the same time.

Pie cowers and runs off screaming about crazy people.

"And cut!" Ellen and Ray yell once Pietro is far enough away.

Sam collapses on the floor. Amara rushes over to him.

"Y' know, I'd be scared too if Mystique tried to come on to me," Remy mutters.

"You're gonna regret sayin that!" Mystique shrieks.

"Run, Remy, run!"Rogue teased as she watched Remy run away from Mystique.

"I'm gonna go now...Bye," and with that Ellen gave Ray a kiss on the cheek, yet again.

(1) According to the Marvel comics site thing, Thomas Zebulon is Sam's dad, although he's deceased.

Hope ya like it! Sorry it took so long. I had a lot of things to do the past week, so I barley had time to get on the computer. Soon, I'm gonna start my parody of Bambi, with Piotr as Bambi and Kitty as Feline. Oh and Ray's Thumper, Sam's Flower, Forge's the Owl, Ororo is Bambi's mom, Logan's Bambi's dad, Lance is the mean deer who thinks he owns Feline, and everyone else is little cute animals. Skysong and I are doing a tagfic with this, and I'll have the first chapter, sadly. I'll update soon.


	7. Scene 6: What a cliffhanger! Not!

Disclaimer: Well...Remy took the part where I say I don't own anything except for Ellen, cuz he said something about it being shiny...so I'll leave you to try to figure what the disclaimer is.

A/N: I got Skysong to do the first chapter of Bambi–now called Piotr– and she says it'll be a while before she gets it up. I did that because I wanna finish this story up before I begin another one.

**&&&**

Ellen and Ray walk in to find a much calmer cast...sort of. Pyro was staring at a lamp flame making shapes out of it. Blob was eating, which meant soon there wasn't gonna be anymore food on the table. Everyone else was reading their scripts.

"Oh, good. You aren't causing mayhem. How wonderful," Ellen deadpaned.

"They're being good angels, for once," Ray agreed.

"Someone call me?" Warren asked, flying over.

"No, Warren," Ray sighed.

"Oh, okay. Oh, Betsy..."

"He's so weird. Don'tcha think?" Ellen looked at Ray, who nodded.

"ACTION!" Ellen and Ray called.

Pietro and Lance came walking into Kitty's cabin with a dress.

"You'll be dining with the captain," Pie said sullenly. "And he requests you wear this."

"Well," Amara said. "You can tell the captain that I'm disinclined to acquiesce to his request."

"He said you'd say that," Pietro said. "He also said if that's the case, you'll be dining with the crew. And you'll be naked." Lance chuckled.

Amara glared at them and grabbed the dress. "Fine," Pietro scowled.

Magneto looked at Amara, "You must be hungry."

Amara began to eat quickly.

Amara grabbed the wine. Magneto held out an apple. "And the apples. One of those next?" he suggested.

Amara looked terrified, "It's poisoned!"

Eric laughed, "There would be no sense in killing you, Miss Guthrie."

Amara looked confused, "Then release me, you have your trinket; I'm of no further value to you!"

Eric held up the medallion, "You have no idea what this is, do you?"

"It's a pirate's medallion." Amara answered with a "duh" look on her face.

"It's one from a set of 882 pieces sealed in a stone chest, all of them cursed; so that any mortal who removes one from that chest shall be punished for all eternity." Eric explained.

Amara laughed, "I'm too old to believe in ghost stories anymore, Captain Magneto."

Eric nodded, "We thought the same thing when we first heard the tale. A chest full of gold buried on an island that can not be found, except by those who already know where it is." He sighed, "We found it. There was the chest, inside was the gold pieces and we took them all." He handed the gold piece to the RLR monkey, who had been serving them, "We spent them on food and drink and other worldly things. The more we gave them the more we came to realize-that nothing would satisfy our hunger or quench our thirst. We are cursed men, Miss Guthrie. Once we were compelled by greed, now we are consumed by it. There is only one way to end our curse. All the gold must be restored and the blood repaid. Thanks to you we have the final piece."

Amara's eyes were wide, "What about the blood repaid?" she hid a knife under her skirt.

Eric smiled, "That's why there would be no sense in killing you...yet." He held an apple out to her, "Apple?"

Amara stood up suddenly and stabbed Eric. She gasped when he bled but didn't react to the stabbing.

"I'm curious," Eric said, grabbing Amara's wrist, "What were you planning on doing after you killed me? The moonlight reveals us for what we really are, not among the living nor the dead. For too long we have been dying of a thirst we cannot quench, we have been starving to death, but have not died. I feel nothing, not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea. Not even the warmth of a woman's touch." He opened the door.

Amara looked around in shock at the crew, who were all skeletons.

"You should best begin believing in ghost stories Miss Guthrie; You're in one!" Eric growled as he stepped out of the door and into the moonlight. He suddenly changed into a rotted looking skeleton.

Amara screamed, heated up her hand, making Eric let go, and ran inside.

"You know, that really did hurt! Along with that toy knife that she 'stabbed' me with. She pushed down hard!" Magneto complained.

Ellen rolled her eyes and sighed, "Suck it up, you big baby! Get back to the parody."

"Right," Eric and the crew laughed evilly. Eric stopped and frowned at the crew. "Back to work!" he yelled.

**&&&**

"Well, what do you think? Every mutant's worth their powers and crazy to boot." Xavier boasted as he presented the crew he'd assembled for Remy.

"This is your able-bodied crew?" Sam breathed, as he looked the ragtag group of mutants over skeptically.

Remy acted as if he hadn't noticed Lance's tone. "You, there!" He called out to one of the slightly less freakish looking lads.

"Piotr Rasputin, Sir." Xavier inserted.

Remy nodded. "Mr. Rasputin, then. Are you brave enough to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?" He asked expecting a loud, 'Yes Sir!' but none came. "Mr. Rasputin?" Remy asked turning to look him in the eye, "Homme!" he shouted in a last ditch effort to get some response.

Xavier spoke up for him, "He can't talk. The idiot pieced his tongue and let it get infected, so he trained Ron here to talk for him. No one's really sure how..." He trailed off. Piotr glared at Xavier.

This wasn't what Remy wanted to hear, but he played along all the same. "Okay..." Remy sighed, "Ron. Same question."

"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!" The small RLR parrot whistled.

Remy looked over at Xavier in slight confusion. "We figure that means 'yes'." Logan explained.

"Of course it does." Remy muttered, more to himself than anyone else.

"Well, you've proved they're insane." Sam jeered.

Remy was about to comment when another member of the crew spoke out. "And what do we get for accompanying you on this little cruise?" A mutant on the end purred in an almost sinister voice.  
Remy winced and cocked an eyebrow as he recognized the voice from some where. He walked up to the mutant and looked him over. He had never seen the guy in his life, but then the person looked up at Remy. "X-23." Remy squeaked before she decked him one to send him sprawling across the dock.

"I suppose you didn't deserve that one either?" Sam laughed as he helped Remy back on his feet.

"No, that one I deserved." Remy muttered sheepishly as X-23 stormed over to him, enjoying her character.

"You stole my boat!" She roared angrily causing Remy to flinch.

"Commandeered... But I was gonna give it back..." Remy tried to explain, taking a couple steps back.

"But you didn't!" X-23 growled aggressively as she poked Remy's chest with her index finger.

"You'll get another one." Remy squeaked as he teetered on the edge of the dock.

"I will." X-23 hissed threateningly. "I like this character."

"That's why I picked you for this part. I knew you would have fun," Ellen smiled as she leaned on Ray, who was slowly turning red.

"A better one." Sam said with an amused smile strewn across his face.  
"A better one!" Remy repeated loudly gaining the rest of the crews attention.

"That one." Sam told X-23 pointing out the Interceptor.

"What one?" Remy asked as he turned around. "That one?" He asked Sam earnestly after spotting the Interceptor. Sam nodded and Remy sighed, "That one."

"It'll do." X-23 stated approvingly. At her words the rest of the crew began boarding the ship and readying it to set sail.  
Remy as soon as he got a chance to pull the Captain aside from the others.

"It'd be worse if we tried to leave her behind, savvy?" Remy stated eyeing X-23 as though she might explode at any given moment. Xavier still didn't seem to approve, but he boarded the boat and helped them set sail all the same.

**&&&**

Ron sat perched on the mast of the Interceptor.

"Dead men tell no tales." He crowed evilly.

Xavier looked over the side of the ship and shook his head. "Many men have been claimed by this passage."

Sam shook his head and looked up where Remy was looking at his compass.

"How'd Remy get that compass?" He asked.

Logan looked over at Remy then gestured for Sam to move in closer.

"Not a lot is known about the Remy, there, before he came to Tortuga wanting' to fetch the treasure of the Isla de Muerta." Xavier whispered, "That was before I met Cajun. Back when he was Captain of the Black Pearl."

"What?" Sam asked, shocked, "He never even mentioned it."

"Well," Xavier continued, "The man keeps quiet about a lot of stuff now. Cajun learned that lesson the hard way. You see Sam, three days out the first mate comes to him and says if everything's gonna be an equal share then that should mean the location of the treasure, too. So, Remy gives up the bearings. That night there was a mutiny. They ditched Remy on an island to die but not before he'd gone mad from the heat."  
Sam looked back up at Remy, "So that's the reason for the…" He mimicked the way Remy walked.

Xavier shook his head.

"Reason ain't got nothing to do with it. When they marooned him on that island they gave him a pistol with a single shot. It won't help much in hunting or being rescued. But after three weeks of starvin' and dehydration that pistol starts to look real nice." Xavier mimed pointing a gun to his head, "But Remy made it off that island and he's been saving' that one shot for his mutinous first mate."

"Magneto." Sam filled in, angrily.

"Yup."

"How'd he get off that island?"

"He waded out to the shallows and waited for three days and three nights 'till the sea creatures stopped noticing him. Then on the fourth day he roped two sea turtles, harnessed them together and made a raft."

Sam raised his eye brow, "He roped a couple of sea turtles?"

"Yup."

"What did he use for rope?" Sam asked, clearly not believing this tale.

Xavier opened his mouth, then closed it looking confused.

"My tongue." Remy said walking up behind Sam and Xavier, "Me and Sam are goin' ashore." He and Sam walked over to the row boat that was ready to be lowered into the water. Xavier followed.

"What if something goes wrong?" Logan asked.

"Stick to the code." Remy answered as he got into the small boat.

"Right," Xavier nodded, "The code."

Xavier watched the Captain and Sam row toward what he knew quite well could be their death.

**&&&**

"Ten years of hoarding swag," Pietro stated reflectively as he and Lance carried a large chest they had stolen, down the passages to the main treasure cave.

"And now we'll finally get to spend it," Lance added with a smile as they dropped the chest. It opened on impact with the ground to reveal that it contained no treasure... instead it held many pretty dresses that belonged to Kitty and a couple parasols. Pietro slapped himself in the forehead. "Did you say swag or drag?" Lance asked as he picked up both the parasols and handed one to Pie.

Pie took the parasol with a role of his inverted eyes. "Once we ditch this curse we will be rich men, my friend. And you can buy a rock set like ya always wanted," Pietro pointed out as he twirled the parasol around absentmindedly.

"My other rocks are starting to break apart," John said sadly, he pulled out his lucky rock and watched a few pieces of rock fall to the ground.

"Stop that," Pie warned Lance just as Juggernaut walked up to them with a slight growl to let them know he didn't approve of their slacking off. Both the younger mutants smiled sheepishly up at Cain and hurried back to work.

**&&&**

"What code does Xavier stick to if something goes wrong?" Sam asked Remy in a hushed tone as they rowed silently into the cavern.  
Remy looked up at Sam. "The pirate's code. Anyone that falls behind gets left behind, savvy?" He explained.

Sam shrugged understandingly. "No heros amongst thieves, I guess." He muttered apathetically.

Remy smiled in spite of Sam's apparent dislike for pirates. "For hatin' pirates so much you've almost become one, savvy?" He told Sam receiving a very skeptical look. "You busted me outta jail, commandeered a ship from the Commodore, sailed with a crew outta Tortuga...and you're completely obsessed with treasure." Remy grinned as he watched Sam gaze out at the treasure that had been scattered throughout the passeges, knowing that it must only be the excess that had spilt over the years from many chest that had been carried through the winding tunnels.

Sam snapped his head up at Gambit's last comment. "I'm not obsessed with treasure," Sam growled as he and Gambit dragged their rowboat ashore.

"It's not all silver and gold, savvy?" Remy explained as he flipped up onto a near by ledge and glanced down casually at his old crew and their captive below.

Below, Magneto was making a speech. "Brothers, our time has come! Salvation is here! Our torment is at an end." He yelled out to his cheering crew.

Sam climbed up onto the ledge next to Remy and followed his gaze. "Amara..." he gasped.

"For ten years we've been tested and tried and each mutant here has proven his worth a hundred times over and then a hundred times again! Our punishment was disproportionate to our crime, but now we have every last piece." Magneto said as he beckoned to a knife that seemed to rise on its own accord and float into Magneto's hand.

"Remy!" Sam cried softly in a panicked tone as a RLR monkey handed the golden coin to Magsy and Cain began to escort a struggling Amara to where Magneto was waiting. He really was worried about Amara.

"Not yet," Remy told Sam with a slight frown, "We have to wait for the right moment."

Sam turned toward Remy angrily. "When's that? I suppose when you'll get the most out of it?" He spat pessimistically as he tried to contain his frustration.

"Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me? Just stay there...and try not to do anything stupid." Remy instructed before turning to leave.

"Sorry, Remy, but no ones going to use me." Remy growled as he focused his frustration on knocking loose some rocks from above. Remy barely had time to look back at Sam before one of the stones struck him on the head knocking the Captain unconscious.

"Begun by blood, by blood undone!" Magneto proclaimed dramatically ending his speech. Amara flinched and gasped as Eric took her hand and made a small cut letting her blood flow into the chest of coins.

Amara opened one eye as if she expected her head to be removed from her body at any moment, then she realized he was done with her all ready. "That's it?" She asked.

"Waste not," Magneto quipped.

Everyone waited for a moment as if they expected bright lights and loud theme music to signify the end to their curse. Then suddenly...

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Hehe! Cliff hangers. Well...not to those who've seen PotC. Anywho, school has started, and I won't have too much time to work on this, only on weekends. So, pardon if I'm a liitle slow on updates. Skysong should have the first chapter of Piotr up soon, so don't fret. R&R, peeps!


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